Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)
Starring Dona Speir, Hope Marie Carlton, Ronn Moss, Harold Diamond, and others
Written and Directed by Andy Sidaris
Genre: 80's Action-Exploitation (aka Bullets, Bombs and Boobs)
Rating: 8.3
Dona Speir and Hope Marie Carlton play two agents working for a mysterious government agency. Their main occupation is flying a helicopter with merchandise between two Hawaiian islands in matching SexySafariTM khaki short-shorts, tops, and Gladiator sunglasses. They get naked and make out with their boyfriends of choice in showers and on the beach a lot. They hold important meetings in the jacuzzi, topless, as well. This peaceful existence is disturbed when they accidentally transport a deadly snake who has "been infected with toxins from cancer infested rats" onto the island, rather than just a regular snake. They also have thugs coming after their asses because they took some diamonds that they found in a mini helicopter that had landed on the beach, which belonged to a local crime boss. They work with two male partners (Moss and Diamond), and another girl who communicates with the agency through her post at a bar. Scattered throughout this film are: a cross-dressing man posing as a waitress working for the enemy; a skateboard riding hitman who attempts to hide his gun behind a blow up doll (!?); excellent jokes ("You have the best seat in the house. You can sit right here on my face." "Why? Is your nose bigger than your dick?"); excellent one-liners; bad guys who scream like little girls when they see a snake ten yards away, but get shot in the face no problem; racists jokes during a karate practicing scene; A SNAKE WHO COMES BURSTING OUT OF A TOILET; a snake who viciously mauls two honeymooners; believable kidnapping scenes, acting that ranges from decent to atrocious; groovy tunes; wondrous 80's fashion, and really, so much more that has to be seen to be believed. The way the Spanish bad guy delivers his lines is worth the price of the DVD alone. Completely recommended! So bad it's very, very good!
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Bite Me! (2004)
Starring Misty Mundae, Julian Wells, Rob Monkiewicz, Erika Smith, and Caitlin Ross
Written and Directed by Brett Piper
Genre: Horror-Comedy, Monster Movie, Erotica
Rating: 7.8
Another low budget erotic horror film from the house of I.E. Independent Cinema, aka POPCinema, Bite Me! is one of my favorite Misty Mundae movies. Most of my favorites were written and directed by Brett Piper (excluding movies done after she left the company), who is in my opinion their best director. Bite Me! is a tale of a strip club that's having some problems.
The credits begin with a nice montage of Misty working the pole. Misty Mundae, Erika smith, and Caitlin Ross play three strippers working for an on-it's-last-legs strip joint. The owner needs some quick cash to pay back money he owes to Brooklyn business woman-and-wife-of-the-last-owner-Teresa, before she takes over the place, and so buys some marijuana from two thugs. The two thugs, on their way to the club, are attacked by a large spider that found it's way out of the crate of drugs. Scared shitless, they crash. Another guy involved in the drug business witnesses this, and brings the drugs to the club himself. The owner stores them, but is still uptight as he still needs more money to pay off his debt.
At the club, the spiders begin to infiltrate the place. The bartender gets bitten, and the venom turns her from a man loving chick to a thirsty lesbian. Theresa gets bitten, and it has the same Sapphic effect. The two of them get together for some wild sex under a sheet. Misty gets bitten in the shower, naked, and gets turned into a badass bug-hunting vigilante. An exterminator (Monkiewicz) is called in to deal with the situation, without letting the few customers left know what's up. He is hilarious. I mean I seriously love this guy, and lucky for me, he's in some more Brett Piper films!
Misty and the exterminator are in the basement bug hunting, and they also have to deal with a crazy ex FED who is determined to shut the place down and thereby win his place back in the government. However, he's having trouble locating either the marijuana that he knew would be there (as he was involved in the sale) or the bugs. Exterminator guy shoots some of the bugs with bug repellent, but it only make them grow bigger. They start hacking them with an axe, and crazy ex FED gets eaten. They eventually follow the trail of bugs to the huge dinosaur shaped storage sheds in back of the club, and discover that crazy ex FED is not dead, but has actually mutated into a giant, ugly stop-motion bug-man. Exterminator kills him, and, after Misty gets the girls out of the club, he blows the whole place to bits. As they all drive away, a humongous computer generated spider crawls out of the wreckage.
This movie is, again, low budget, as is given away by the completely fake looking animated bugs, huge dinosaur buildings projected from miniatures, and "club" built out of what looks like an empty warehouse, but it's done pretty stylishly considering what the director had to work with. There are some genuinely funny moments, and over all, I quite enjoyed this film. Plus I love Misty! It's not for everyone however. Recommended for it's type of film!!
Starring Misty Mundae, Julian Wells, Rob Monkiewicz, Erika Smith, and Caitlin Ross
Written and Directed by Brett Piper
Genre: Horror-Comedy, Monster Movie, Erotica
Rating: 7.8
Another low budget erotic horror film from the house of I.E. Independent Cinema, aka POPCinema, Bite Me! is one of my favorite Misty Mundae movies. Most of my favorites were written and directed by Brett Piper (excluding movies done after she left the company), who is in my opinion their best director. Bite Me! is a tale of a strip club that's having some problems.
The credits begin with a nice montage of Misty working the pole. Misty Mundae, Erika smith, and Caitlin Ross play three strippers working for an on-it's-last-legs strip joint. The owner needs some quick cash to pay back money he owes to Brooklyn business woman-and-wife-of-the-last-owner-Teresa, before she takes over the place, and so buys some marijuana from two thugs. The two thugs, on their way to the club, are attacked by a large spider that found it's way out of the crate of drugs. Scared shitless, they crash. Another guy involved in the drug business witnesses this, and brings the drugs to the club himself. The owner stores them, but is still uptight as he still needs more money to pay off his debt.
At the club, the spiders begin to infiltrate the place. The bartender gets bitten, and the venom turns her from a man loving chick to a thirsty lesbian. Theresa gets bitten, and it has the same Sapphic effect. The two of them get together for some wild sex under a sheet. Misty gets bitten in the shower, naked, and gets turned into a badass bug-hunting vigilante. An exterminator (Monkiewicz) is called in to deal with the situation, without letting the few customers left know what's up. He is hilarious. I mean I seriously love this guy, and lucky for me, he's in some more Brett Piper films!
Misty and the exterminator are in the basement bug hunting, and they also have to deal with a crazy ex FED who is determined to shut the place down and thereby win his place back in the government. However, he's having trouble locating either the marijuana that he knew would be there (as he was involved in the sale) or the bugs. Exterminator guy shoots some of the bugs with bug repellent, but it only make them grow bigger. They start hacking them with an axe, and crazy ex FED gets eaten. They eventually follow the trail of bugs to the huge dinosaur shaped storage sheds in back of the club, and discover that crazy ex FED is not dead, but has actually mutated into a giant, ugly stop-motion bug-man. Exterminator kills him, and, after Misty gets the girls out of the club, he blows the whole place to bits. As they all drive away, a humongous computer generated spider crawls out of the wreckage.
This movie is, again, low budget, as is given away by the completely fake looking animated bugs, huge dinosaur buildings projected from miniatures, and "club" built out of what looks like an empty warehouse, but it's done pretty stylishly considering what the director had to work with. There are some genuinely funny moments, and over all, I quite enjoyed this film. Plus I love Misty! It's not for everyone however. Recommended for it's type of film!!
Monday, July 27, 2015
Freeway (1996)
Starring Reese Witherspoon, Kiefer Sutherland, Amanda Plummer, Brooke Shields, Brittany Murphy, and Alanna Ubach
Written and Directed by Matthew Bright
Produced by Oliver Stone
Genre: Crime Thriller, Exploitation (road movie, women in prison)
Rating: 8.5
This is the first movie directed by Matthew Bright, and the first Freeway movie. The first and second have nothing to do with each other in terms of plot or characters, but have many similar themes and plot points. It's almost like he wanted to redo the first, more slick one for a B movie aesthetic and more shock in the second, and that he did. Right now we're dealing with the first one though-- a high quality black comedy crime thriller with exploitive elements.
Vanessa (Reese) is an innocent, illiterate Southern teen with a prostitute crack whore for a mom (Plummer), and a drug addicted, sexually abusive step father who's on parole. After both of her parent figures are arrested, Vanessa, fearing returning to foster care, handcuffs her social worker to her bed when she comes to collect her, and hits the road on her own in search of a grandmother she's never met, with nothing but the family car and a basket of beer. After saying goodbye to her gang leader boyfriend Chopper, she's cruising down the highway when her beater car breaks down. A friendly man, Bob Wolverton, around 30 years old or so, offers to give her a ride. She gladly accepts. Throughout the night, he gradually convinces her to open up to him and tell him about her troubled life. Things turn deadly, however, when he reveals that he is the well-known "I-5 Killer" and says he is going to murder her. The tables turn when Vanessa draws the gun her boyfriend had given to her as a going away present on him. She orders him to drive off the highway onto a deserted road, and shoots him in the head and body multiple times. After throwing up, she makes her way to a diner and cleans the blood off of herself. After leaving the diner, she is promptly arrested.
Bob has survived the shooting, and is in the hospital undergoing surgery where his socialite wife (Shields) comes to visit. She talks to the police and detectives, and is extremely upset, demanding that Vanessa be charged as an adult and stay in prison for the rest of her life. Vanessa goes to trial, and shows no remorse when she sees that Bob is severely disfigured. She gives her story to the detectives, who do not believe her due to her history of arrests for shoplifting and arson. The judge rules that Vanessa can be charged as an adult, and she goes to prison. Now comes my favorite part of the film (I love women in prison movies!) In jail, Vanessa meets Rhonda, her lesbian bunkmate (Murphy), and Mesquita (Ubach), the super sexy chola gang leader who tries to attack her. Vanessa wins the fight by a large margin, and goes to solitary. Soon Vanessa and Mesquita are being transferred to maximum security with two other girls. In the bathroom of a gas station where the prison van has stopped, they agree to try to escape, and after planning an attack, they kill the two guards. Mesquita meets up with her cholo boyfriend and, saying goodbye to Vanessa, gives her money and a car to help her escape. Vanessa goes into the street and poses as a prostitute, where she rips off her client by threatening to shoot him. She then continues on to her grandmother's house.
In the meantime, one of the detectives has become suspicious, and returns to the sight of Bob's attack to investigate more. He finds Vanessa's cut off braid, and obtains a warrant to search Bob's house. There he finds a shed full of kiddie porn, and Bob's wife, so ashamed and distraught with the discovery, shoots herself in the head. Bob, driving up and seeing the police cars outside, escapes in his car. Having found out Vanessa's grandmother's address when he had her in his car, he heads there now in case Vanessa is there, in order to finish her off. Vanessa enters her grandmother's trailer home, and sees who she assumes is her grandmother lying in her bed. It is actually Bob, who has a gun and has strangled Vanessa's grandma. Vanessa and Bob struggle, with Vanessa being the ultimate victor, and Bob being killed. The detectives arrive at this time, and see Vanessa straggle outside and calmly sit down. They say hello, and Vanessa asks if they have a cigarette. END.
Starring Reese Witherspoon, Kiefer Sutherland, Amanda Plummer, Brooke Shields, Brittany Murphy, and Alanna Ubach
Written and Directed by Matthew Bright
Produced by Oliver Stone
Genre: Crime Thriller, Exploitation (road movie, women in prison)
Rating: 8.5
This is the first movie directed by Matthew Bright, and the first Freeway movie. The first and second have nothing to do with each other in terms of plot or characters, but have many similar themes and plot points. It's almost like he wanted to redo the first, more slick one for a B movie aesthetic and more shock in the second, and that he did. Right now we're dealing with the first one though-- a high quality black comedy crime thriller with exploitive elements.
Vanessa (Reese) is an innocent, illiterate Southern teen with a prostitute crack whore for a mom (Plummer), and a drug addicted, sexually abusive step father who's on parole. After both of her parent figures are arrested, Vanessa, fearing returning to foster care, handcuffs her social worker to her bed when she comes to collect her, and hits the road on her own in search of a grandmother she's never met, with nothing but the family car and a basket of beer. After saying goodbye to her gang leader boyfriend Chopper, she's cruising down the highway when her beater car breaks down. A friendly man, Bob Wolverton, around 30 years old or so, offers to give her a ride. She gladly accepts. Throughout the night, he gradually convinces her to open up to him and tell him about her troubled life. Things turn deadly, however, when he reveals that he is the well-known "I-5 Killer" and says he is going to murder her. The tables turn when Vanessa draws the gun her boyfriend had given to her as a going away present on him. She orders him to drive off the highway onto a deserted road, and shoots him in the head and body multiple times. After throwing up, she makes her way to a diner and cleans the blood off of herself. After leaving the diner, she is promptly arrested.
Bob has survived the shooting, and is in the hospital undergoing surgery where his socialite wife (Shields) comes to visit. She talks to the police and detectives, and is extremely upset, demanding that Vanessa be charged as an adult and stay in prison for the rest of her life. Vanessa goes to trial, and shows no remorse when she sees that Bob is severely disfigured. She gives her story to the detectives, who do not believe her due to her history of arrests for shoplifting and arson. The judge rules that Vanessa can be charged as an adult, and she goes to prison. Now comes my favorite part of the film (I love women in prison movies!) In jail, Vanessa meets Rhonda, her lesbian bunkmate (Murphy), and Mesquita (Ubach), the super sexy chola gang leader who tries to attack her. Vanessa wins the fight by a large margin, and goes to solitary. Soon Vanessa and Mesquita are being transferred to maximum security with two other girls. In the bathroom of a gas station where the prison van has stopped, they agree to try to escape, and after planning an attack, they kill the two guards. Mesquita meets up with her cholo boyfriend and, saying goodbye to Vanessa, gives her money and a car to help her escape. Vanessa goes into the street and poses as a prostitute, where she rips off her client by threatening to shoot him. She then continues on to her grandmother's house.
In the meantime, one of the detectives has become suspicious, and returns to the sight of Bob's attack to investigate more. He finds Vanessa's cut off braid, and obtains a warrant to search Bob's house. There he finds a shed full of kiddie porn, and Bob's wife, so ashamed and distraught with the discovery, shoots herself in the head. Bob, driving up and seeing the police cars outside, escapes in his car. Having found out Vanessa's grandmother's address when he had her in his car, he heads there now in case Vanessa is there, in order to finish her off. Vanessa enters her grandmother's trailer home, and sees who she assumes is her grandmother lying in her bed. It is actually Bob, who has a gun and has strangled Vanessa's grandma. Vanessa and Bob struggle, with Vanessa being the ultimate victor, and Bob being killed. The detectives arrive at this time, and see Vanessa straggle outside and calmly sit down. They say hello, and Vanessa asks if they have a cigarette. END.
Monday, July 20, 2015
Freeway II: Confessions of a Trickbaby (1999)
Starring Natasha Lyonne, Maria Celedonio, and Vincent Gallo
Written & Directed by Matthew Bright
Genre: Exploitation (Road Movie, Women-in-Prison)
Rating: 9
This movie is crazy!! It starts off with White Girl/Crystal (named for the drug, played by the super sexy Natasha Lyonne), a foul mouthed tough chick, being sentenced in court to a mental youth hospital in order to cure her rampant case of bulimia, where she will remain until she's 19. After that she will be transferred to prison for a stay of no less 25 years for stealing and selling her mother's drugs and posing as a prostitute to rip off johns. Super great music reminiscent of 70's blaxploitation films plays as White Girl is forced into a van and hauled away. At the hospital, White Girl refuses to eat and continues to purge for lengthy periods of time (there's a lot of barfing in this movie.) She becomes the unofficial leader of all the bulimic girls, as they follow her lead and take turns pucking into a bucket. The doctors force the girls to take a shot which will stop their gag reflex, however White Girl's urge to purge is too strong to be tamed, and she projectile vomits all over the doctor's face, landing in solitary.
During this time she has met her fellow cellmate and soon friend Cyclona, a psychotic lesbian serial killer and necrophiliac who has a life sentence for killing her entire family. Cyclona is seen to hallucinate as well as masturbate compulsively; she also repeatedly hits on White Girl, though White Girl rebuffs her. The two girls realize they have to escape before they are transferred to a maximum security facility. Cyclona claims that she knows a nun, Sister Gomez, who lives in Tijuana, Mexico and used to protect her from her parents, and who can help them now. During their Gym time, they cut the wire fence and escape, although White Girl gets a nasty, infected cut. Cyclona decides to find medicine for White Girl; leaving her lying in the dirt, she breaks into a country house nearby and kills the elderly couple who live there, and their son who is outside fixing the car. She comes back for White Girl and leads her to the house, who wonders where the owners have went. White Girl precedes to eat all of the food in the house, chug a bunch of horse medicine, and dye her hair blonde with peroxide. After eating she goes to find Cyclona, who is upstairs simulating sex with the dead bodies using a plug-in vibrator. White Girl is angry that Cyclona has killed people and gone off her meds, and threatens to leave her. Cyclona apologizes and begs her to stay, saying it will be her last time and she will take her medication. White Girl forgives her on the condition that Cyclona does everything that White Girl says on the trip.
The two steal the family's car as Cyclona tells White Girl about her father molesting her; White Girl replies "Doin' your dad definitely qualifies as some memorable shit. I know, I been there". They drink beers and huff spray paint as they drive. Eventually they crash, and lay in the grass. Finally they get up and find their way to a train and hop into an empty car. Unfortunately there's a crazy dude there as well, and he's all set to rape White Girl before Cyclona stabs him to death. They steal his guns and crack cocaine. Cyclona kills a security man before he can catch them. After riding on the train for a while, they decide to get off and see where they are, and leave a trail of crack in case they need to find their way back to the train. They come upon some police officers and Cyclona promptly shoots them all, and White Girl beats the shit out of her with a stick for disobeying her. They finally make it over the border into Mexico and spend the night in a hotel. White Girl complains that she hasn't been f@cked in over two years, and finally gives into Cyclona's advances. Hot lesbian sex ensues in the shower and the bed, as they drink and huff.
They next day they go shopping and enjoy the town of Tijuana, where White Girl makes money by returning to her false prostitute shtick. They see a poster of Sister Gomez, and are ecstatic to have found her. They visit her, where the cross-dressing nun recognizes Cyclona as "her little movie star". She says that she can help Cyclona get rid of her "angry demon", and White Girl her "hungry demon" as long as White Girl continues to steal from johns and gives the money to the Sister's mission. She takes Cyclona away to begin her treatment, and says that White Girl must feed her hungry demon until it is full and then it will go away. White Girl eats a whole pig and is not allowed to throw up, she is then locked in a room for the night. As she's leaving to steal money she sees Sister Gomez giving a sermon to a room full of children and heir parents. When she returns, the children are gone. Hearing faint cries, she walks into the basement as sees the children standing asnd crying in the dirty room. She tells them to run. She finds Cyclona hanging from some straps and frees her. Cyclona says that sister Gomez forced her to watch as she chopped up kids and made them into food that she was gong to feed to White Girl to make her fat, and then she in turn would make fajitas out of White Girl. Sister Gomez also made her watch videos of her as a little girl being molested by lots of men. White Girl realizes that that is why is was called "movie star" because she was forced to be in pornos. She says that Cyclona was right to kill her parents and now they must kill the other people.
They go upstairs and shoot all of the parents and people involved with the business, and White Girl, after discovering that Sister Gomez is a man, beats her intensely with her gun, and then puts her in the oven. After crying with the discovery and understanding the root of her psychosis, Cyclona begs White Girl to kill her as she doesn't want to go back to jail. White Girl reluctantly agrees, crying as she shoots Cyclona in the head. The police who have been following them now burst in, where White Girl is waiting for them. Surprising them, she puts her gun to one police officers head, and says she will kill him unless they agree to make a deal. They agree to let her go, as none of the married johns she robbed will press charges, and she did good by rescuing the children. Her lawyer/pimp then offers her food, but she declines, saying she "ain't hungry no more". The movie is over as he carried her off, White Girl laughing because she is free.
Damn, this movie is really over the top, just full of taboo subject matter! White Girl and Cyclona are excellent characters, and Natasha Lyonne and Maria Celedonio both do really good jobs. I especially loved Natasha, and she is super hot and was a bad bitch this whole movie. I loved her style and her sexy deep voice, especially when she was cussing someone out. Maria did a really good job of acting like a nervous, sympathetic psycho. This movie is pretty low budget, but very enjoyable, if you like this sort of thing (and I do). Recommended!
Starring Natasha Lyonne, Maria Celedonio, and Vincent Gallo
Written & Directed by Matthew Bright
Genre: Exploitation (Road Movie, Women-in-Prison)
Rating: 9
This movie is crazy!! It starts off with White Girl/Crystal (named for the drug, played by the super sexy Natasha Lyonne), a foul mouthed tough chick, being sentenced in court to a mental youth hospital in order to cure her rampant case of bulimia, where she will remain until she's 19. After that she will be transferred to prison for a stay of no less 25 years for stealing and selling her mother's drugs and posing as a prostitute to rip off johns. Super great music reminiscent of 70's blaxploitation films plays as White Girl is forced into a van and hauled away. At the hospital, White Girl refuses to eat and continues to purge for lengthy periods of time (there's a lot of barfing in this movie.) She becomes the unofficial leader of all the bulimic girls, as they follow her lead and take turns pucking into a bucket. The doctors force the girls to take a shot which will stop their gag reflex, however White Girl's urge to purge is too strong to be tamed, and she projectile vomits all over the doctor's face, landing in solitary.
During this time she has met her fellow cellmate and soon friend Cyclona, a psychotic lesbian serial killer and necrophiliac who has a life sentence for killing her entire family. Cyclona is seen to hallucinate as well as masturbate compulsively; she also repeatedly hits on White Girl, though White Girl rebuffs her. The two girls realize they have to escape before they are transferred to a maximum security facility. Cyclona claims that she knows a nun, Sister Gomez, who lives in Tijuana, Mexico and used to protect her from her parents, and who can help them now. During their Gym time, they cut the wire fence and escape, although White Girl gets a nasty, infected cut. Cyclona decides to find medicine for White Girl; leaving her lying in the dirt, she breaks into a country house nearby and kills the elderly couple who live there, and their son who is outside fixing the car. She comes back for White Girl and leads her to the house, who wonders where the owners have went. White Girl precedes to eat all of the food in the house, chug a bunch of horse medicine, and dye her hair blonde with peroxide. After eating she goes to find Cyclona, who is upstairs simulating sex with the dead bodies using a plug-in vibrator. White Girl is angry that Cyclona has killed people and gone off her meds, and threatens to leave her. Cyclona apologizes and begs her to stay, saying it will be her last time and she will take her medication. White Girl forgives her on the condition that Cyclona does everything that White Girl says on the trip.
The two steal the family's car as Cyclona tells White Girl about her father molesting her; White Girl replies "Doin' your dad definitely qualifies as some memorable shit. I know, I been there". They drink beers and huff spray paint as they drive. Eventually they crash, and lay in the grass. Finally they get up and find their way to a train and hop into an empty car. Unfortunately there's a crazy dude there as well, and he's all set to rape White Girl before Cyclona stabs him to death. They steal his guns and crack cocaine. Cyclona kills a security man before he can catch them. After riding on the train for a while, they decide to get off and see where they are, and leave a trail of crack in case they need to find their way back to the train. They come upon some police officers and Cyclona promptly shoots them all, and White Girl beats the shit out of her with a stick for disobeying her. They finally make it over the border into Mexico and spend the night in a hotel. White Girl complains that she hasn't been f@cked in over two years, and finally gives into Cyclona's advances. Hot lesbian sex ensues in the shower and the bed, as they drink and huff.
They next day they go shopping and enjoy the town of Tijuana, where White Girl makes money by returning to her false prostitute shtick. They see a poster of Sister Gomez, and are ecstatic to have found her. They visit her, where the cross-dressing nun recognizes Cyclona as "her little movie star". She says that she can help Cyclona get rid of her "angry demon", and White Girl her "hungry demon" as long as White Girl continues to steal from johns and gives the money to the Sister's mission. She takes Cyclona away to begin her treatment, and says that White Girl must feed her hungry demon until it is full and then it will go away. White Girl eats a whole pig and is not allowed to throw up, she is then locked in a room for the night. As she's leaving to steal money she sees Sister Gomez giving a sermon to a room full of children and heir parents. When she returns, the children are gone. Hearing faint cries, she walks into the basement as sees the children standing asnd crying in the dirty room. She tells them to run. She finds Cyclona hanging from some straps and frees her. Cyclona says that sister Gomez forced her to watch as she chopped up kids and made them into food that she was gong to feed to White Girl to make her fat, and then she in turn would make fajitas out of White Girl. Sister Gomez also made her watch videos of her as a little girl being molested by lots of men. White Girl realizes that that is why is was called "movie star" because she was forced to be in pornos. She says that Cyclona was right to kill her parents and now they must kill the other people.
They go upstairs and shoot all of the parents and people involved with the business, and White Girl, after discovering that Sister Gomez is a man, beats her intensely with her gun, and then puts her in the oven. After crying with the discovery and understanding the root of her psychosis, Cyclona begs White Girl to kill her as she doesn't want to go back to jail. White Girl reluctantly agrees, crying as she shoots Cyclona in the head. The police who have been following them now burst in, where White Girl is waiting for them. Surprising them, she puts her gun to one police officers head, and says she will kill him unless they agree to make a deal. They agree to let her go, as none of the married johns she robbed will press charges, and she did good by rescuing the children. Her lawyer/pimp then offers her food, but she declines, saying she "ain't hungry no more". The movie is over as he carried her off, White Girl laughing because she is free.
Damn, this movie is really over the top, just full of taboo subject matter! White Girl and Cyclona are excellent characters, and Natasha Lyonne and Maria Celedonio both do really good jobs. I especially loved Natasha, and she is super hot and was a bad bitch this whole movie. I loved her style and her sexy deep voice, especially when she was cussing someone out. Maria did a really good job of acting like a nervous, sympathetic psycho. This movie is pretty low budget, but very enjoyable, if you like this sort of thing (and I do). Recommended!
Friday, April 3, 2015
The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)
Starring Michele Michaels, Robin Stille, Michael Villella, Debra Delisio, Andree Honore and Brinke Stevens
Directed by Amy Jones
Screenplay by Rita Mae Brown (anyone read Rubyfruit Jungle...?)
Genre: Horror (Slasher)
Rating: 8
Our heroine is getting ready for school on the morning our story begins. She throws on a sack dress with no bra (ah, the eighties) and disposes of all the babyish barbies and stuffed animals she has collected around her room. We learn that her parents are heading out of town, so of course she's having a party (it is called slumber party massacre after all).
At school, she and some friends are playing basketball in gym. There's a new girl who's apparently kicking ass. Next comes the anticipated and hoped for, yet somehow predictable and tiresome shower scene (Ha Ha who am I kidding, I live for these things! Brinke Stevens was once quoted as saying that she had taken so many showers in movies she must be the cleanest actress in Hollywood). After changing, Trish (our heroine) is discussing her party plans with her buds, and proposes inviting the new girl (Valerie), but Diane says no 'cus Valerie is just too dang talented and pretty! It's NOT DIANE's fault that she moved here! Valerie overhears and gets upset, leaving the locker room in a hurry.
Sometime around this time, we are introduced to our villain, a mad man who has just escaped from the mental institution, when he drills the poor, surprisingly hot and young telephone line repair woman when she's working at the high school. His weapon of choice is a power drill. It's awesome!
After this has all happened and the girls are leaving the locker room, one girl (B movie scream queen legend Brinke Stevens in one of her earliest roles) realizes she has forgotten a book in the locker room and heads back in. Unfortunately, she gets locked in. With our villain. They come face to face and he drills her in the arm before she escapes, hiding in a room. Long story short, he finds her. She a goner.
We'll skip a few scenes and go right to the party time. The girls are getting a little rowdy thanks to alcohol and marijuana, and everyone is having a good time. Pretty soon things get spooky, as two boys from school show up and play pranks on the girls, also hoping to eyeball some titties (it happens). However, soon things turn deadly. Diane's boyfriend shows up for some heavy petting in Trish's garage, despite Trish's no-boys-allowed rule for the night. When Kim goes into the house to get something, she returns to a decapitated lover. She too then bites it. Bye bye Diane!
A pizza delivery boy is mauled in front of the door when the girls go to receive their food. They girls begin freaking out. Valerie and her younger sister, who happen to live next door, hear some screams but think it's probably just because they're having such a good time. In the house, the girls are picked off one by one. One thing I really like about this movie is that the girls are literally face to face with the killer. He's not wearing a mask. HE'S RIGHT. THERE. And I think that in a way that's scarier than someone you never see. It feels so REAL.
The boys, who are discovered of playing pranks, are behaving pretty heroically throughout this movie, I must say. Too bad neither of their attempted rescue missions work, and they both die.
Valerie discovers that her baby sister has gone over to the neighbor's to see what the fun's about. In a panic, Valerie heads over, and wanders through the empty house looking for her. Finally she finds hr sister, but none of the other girls. In the initial panic, the girls had called their female gym teacher who shows up. While The last remaining girls hide, she battles our killer (and loses). Finally, in a last multiple battle, Valerie, Trish, and Val's sister all battle slashie by the pool. After a few fake deaths, he ultimately is defeated. Success is achieved, however the girls are far from happy (probably due to all their friends being dead, and the trauma of having to kill a man with a large knife). They sob as sirens arrive.
This movie is really pretty good. It makes fun of every slasher cliche, yet still manages to feel fresh and original. It can be pretty tense and suspenseful, and fight scenes and gore are well executed. Choice of weapon is appreciated. Killer is appropriately creepy. Original kills (especially pizza man). Girls do a good job. Eight stars, definitely recommended!
Starring Michele Michaels, Robin Stille, Michael Villella, Debra Delisio, Andree Honore and Brinke Stevens
Directed by Amy Jones
Screenplay by Rita Mae Brown (anyone read Rubyfruit Jungle...?)
Genre: Horror (Slasher)
Rating: 8
Our heroine is getting ready for school on the morning our story begins. She throws on a sack dress with no bra (ah, the eighties) and disposes of all the babyish barbies and stuffed animals she has collected around her room. We learn that her parents are heading out of town, so of course she's having a party (it is called slumber party massacre after all).
At school, she and some friends are playing basketball in gym. There's a new girl who's apparently kicking ass. Next comes the anticipated and hoped for, yet somehow predictable and tiresome shower scene (Ha Ha who am I kidding, I live for these things! Brinke Stevens was once quoted as saying that she had taken so many showers in movies she must be the cleanest actress in Hollywood). After changing, Trish (our heroine) is discussing her party plans with her buds, and proposes inviting the new girl (Valerie), but Diane says no 'cus Valerie is just too dang talented and pretty! It's NOT DIANE's fault that she moved here! Valerie overhears and gets upset, leaving the locker room in a hurry.
Sometime around this time, we are introduced to our villain, a mad man who has just escaped from the mental institution, when he drills the poor, surprisingly hot and young telephone line repair woman when she's working at the high school. His weapon of choice is a power drill. It's awesome!
After this has all happened and the girls are leaving the locker room, one girl (B movie scream queen legend Brinke Stevens in one of her earliest roles) realizes she has forgotten a book in the locker room and heads back in. Unfortunately, she gets locked in. With our villain. They come face to face and he drills her in the arm before she escapes, hiding in a room. Long story short, he finds her. She a goner.
We'll skip a few scenes and go right to the party time. The girls are getting a little rowdy thanks to alcohol and marijuana, and everyone is having a good time. Pretty soon things get spooky, as two boys from school show up and play pranks on the girls, also hoping to eyeball some titties (it happens). However, soon things turn deadly. Diane's boyfriend shows up for some heavy petting in Trish's garage, despite Trish's no-boys-allowed rule for the night. When Kim goes into the house to get something, she returns to a decapitated lover. She too then bites it. Bye bye Diane!
A pizza delivery boy is mauled in front of the door when the girls go to receive their food. They girls begin freaking out. Valerie and her younger sister, who happen to live next door, hear some screams but think it's probably just because they're having such a good time. In the house, the girls are picked off one by one. One thing I really like about this movie is that the girls are literally face to face with the killer. He's not wearing a mask. HE'S RIGHT. THERE. And I think that in a way that's scarier than someone you never see. It feels so REAL.
The boys, who are discovered of playing pranks, are behaving pretty heroically throughout this movie, I must say. Too bad neither of their attempted rescue missions work, and they both die.
Valerie discovers that her baby sister has gone over to the neighbor's to see what the fun's about. In a panic, Valerie heads over, and wanders through the empty house looking for her. Finally she finds hr sister, but none of the other girls. In the initial panic, the girls had called their female gym teacher who shows up. While The last remaining girls hide, she battles our killer (and loses). Finally, in a last multiple battle, Valerie, Trish, and Val's sister all battle slashie by the pool. After a few fake deaths, he ultimately is defeated. Success is achieved, however the girls are far from happy (probably due to all their friends being dead, and the trauma of having to kill a man with a large knife). They sob as sirens arrive.
This movie is really pretty good. It makes fun of every slasher cliche, yet still manages to feel fresh and original. It can be pretty tense and suspenseful, and fight scenes and gore are well executed. Choice of weapon is appreciated. Killer is appropriately creepy. Original kills (especially pizza man). Girls do a good job. Eight stars, definitely recommended!
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Poison Ivy (1990)
Starring Drew Barrymore, Sara Gilbert, Cheryl Ladd and Tom Skerritt
Directed by Katt Shea
Genre: Erotic thriller
Rating: 8
Poison Ivy is a pretty well-known cult movie that I'd heard a lot about and always wanted to watch. My earliest memories of knowing about this movie were when I was a kid, and whenever I'd play make believe with my friends, I'd always want my name to be Ivy. I remember my mom saying "I don't like that name because it reminds me of when Drew Barrymore played a creepy girl named Ivy in a movie". Well, I was intrigued. And when I later found out that, in addition to Drew, both Cheryl Ladd, who I am a huge fan of from my favorite TV show Charlie's Angels, and Sara Gilbert, who I had a crush on from Roseanne, where in it, I KNEW I had to watch it! And (spoiler alert!) there's some lady kissin'!
Well, unfortunately, it took me a long-ass time to watch this movie. No one seemed to have it. I couldn't find it anywhere to buy, and no one had it to rent, even the hip movie store near my house! Some clips I could find on Youtube only piqued my interest. Eventually I found it at Amoeba Records, and the rest is history.
The movie starts out with Sylvie (Gilbert) sitting on a rock near a creek, writing in her journal about how she's fascinated by Ivy (Barrymore). ("I guess she's short of beautiful. I don't know. Those lips. You know, lips are supposed to be a perfect reflection of another part of a woman's anatomy. Not that I'm a lesbian. Well, maybe I am. No, definitely not."), who at that very moment is swinging on a rope over the creek, lookin' wild and free. A dog is hit by a car in a nearby street, and all the kids rush over to look. They wonder what to do until Ivy takes the matter into her own hands, killing the dog with a blow to the head via a pipe. Later, the two girls meet in the office of their rich private school (Ivy is on scholarship. Sylvie is actually rich.)They chat about how Sylvie's dad is an asshole, and then Ivy asks for a ride home. At Sylvie's house, Ivy meets Sylvie's sickly, bedridden mother (Ladd). Sylvie has a strained relationship with her mom, but after some initial tensions, Sylvie's mom becomes very fond of Ivy. Sylvie and Ivy become closer and closer. Eventually, Ivy has all but moved in, as the aunt she's staying with doesn't care about her. We can see some sexual tensions between Ivy and Sylvie's father, which I'm sure will come to no good. (Hint: I was right.)
Eventually, Ivy and Sylvie hit a rough patch in their relationship. Sylvie is jealous of Ivy having such a close relationship with her family members, especially her dog. Ivy has seduced Sylvie's father while his wife was passed out in the bed (Sylvie is not aware of this)to some cheesy sax music, which will be heard again. One day, Sylvie's mom, depressed due to her illness, is standing on the balcony in her room. Ivy walks in, and sees her, saying, "You think about it sometimes, don't you?" Sylvie's mom admits she has considered suicide a few times. Ivy is now behind her, and suddenly pushes her off the balcony. She is upset, and when Sylvie wanders into the room, she hides. Sylvie believes her mother has committed suicide, and is sad. Ivy convinces her to get into bed with her, and tell her everything she's feeling, like she was her mom. Sylvie is a little weirded out, but complies, finding it soothing.
Now that Sylvie's mom is dead, Ivy is wearing her clothes, and even cleans her car, bringing the urn with Sylvie's mom's ashes to the car. Sylvie sees this, and attempts to intervene, but Ivy convinces her to go for a ride with her, giving her mom's spirit the freedom she craves. On the drive, Sylvie becomes suspicious that Ivy was there when her mom died, as she is singing a song that was playing in her room that day. Ivy becomes upset, and they get into an accident. Ivy comes too, and positions Sylvie in the drivers seat to throw suspicion off herself. Sylvie is taken to the hospital.
At the hospital, Sylvie is becoming very paranoid about Ivy. She sneaks out of the hospital, despite her bloody head and inappropriate attire, and goes back to her house. Due to her head injury, she is experiencing some hallucinations. She walks into her living room, and sees her father having sex with someone, who at first she thinks is her mother, but is actually Ivy. She freaks, and runs out of the room with Ivy following her. Sylvie runs into her mother's room, and sees her mom standing, waiting for her. She approaches her, and her mother embraces her, and then starts making out with her (yes!). Sylvie is freaked out and pushes her away, when she sees that she was actually kissing Ivy. She accuses Ivy of killing her mom, who says that her mother wanted to die, and, "now we can all be a family" or something like that. In a fit of rage, Sylvie pushes Ivy off of the balcony, killing her. She stands crying on the balcony, while her father is in his car staring at Ivy who lies on the sidewalk in front of him. The credits begin as Sylvie states that she still misses "her".
I really like this movie. The genre of "obsessed best friends with somewhat of a lesbian interest in each other can't deal with their emotions and their attachment takes a step too far and turns into a blood bath" has always been a favorite. And, despite the creep dad-and-Ivy angle, Sylvie/Ivy is a relationship that I quite like. (They're hot, obsessed, kiss twice, and sleep in the same bed. Yes please!) Definitely recommended!!
Starring Drew Barrymore, Sara Gilbert, Cheryl Ladd and Tom Skerritt
Directed by Katt Shea
Genre: Erotic thriller
Rating: 8
Poison Ivy is a pretty well-known cult movie that I'd heard a lot about and always wanted to watch. My earliest memories of knowing about this movie were when I was a kid, and whenever I'd play make believe with my friends, I'd always want my name to be Ivy. I remember my mom saying "I don't like that name because it reminds me of when Drew Barrymore played a creepy girl named Ivy in a movie". Well, I was intrigued. And when I later found out that, in addition to Drew, both Cheryl Ladd, who I am a huge fan of from my favorite TV show Charlie's Angels, and Sara Gilbert, who I had a crush on from Roseanne, where in it, I KNEW I had to watch it! And (spoiler alert!) there's some lady kissin'!
Well, unfortunately, it took me a long-ass time to watch this movie. No one seemed to have it. I couldn't find it anywhere to buy, and no one had it to rent, even the hip movie store near my house! Some clips I could find on Youtube only piqued my interest. Eventually I found it at Amoeba Records, and the rest is history.
The movie starts out with Sylvie (Gilbert) sitting on a rock near a creek, writing in her journal about how she's fascinated by Ivy (Barrymore). ("I guess she's short of beautiful. I don't know. Those lips. You know, lips are supposed to be a perfect reflection of another part of a woman's anatomy. Not that I'm a lesbian. Well, maybe I am. No, definitely not."), who at that very moment is swinging on a rope over the creek, lookin' wild and free. A dog is hit by a car in a nearby street, and all the kids rush over to look. They wonder what to do until Ivy takes the matter into her own hands, killing the dog with a blow to the head via a pipe. Later, the two girls meet in the office of their rich private school (Ivy is on scholarship. Sylvie is actually rich.)They chat about how Sylvie's dad is an asshole, and then Ivy asks for a ride home. At Sylvie's house, Ivy meets Sylvie's sickly, bedridden mother (Ladd). Sylvie has a strained relationship with her mom, but after some initial tensions, Sylvie's mom becomes very fond of Ivy. Sylvie and Ivy become closer and closer. Eventually, Ivy has all but moved in, as the aunt she's staying with doesn't care about her. We can see some sexual tensions between Ivy and Sylvie's father, which I'm sure will come to no good. (Hint: I was right.)
Eventually, Ivy and Sylvie hit a rough patch in their relationship. Sylvie is jealous of Ivy having such a close relationship with her family members, especially her dog. Ivy has seduced Sylvie's father while his wife was passed out in the bed (Sylvie is not aware of this)to some cheesy sax music, which will be heard again. One day, Sylvie's mom, depressed due to her illness, is standing on the balcony in her room. Ivy walks in, and sees her, saying, "You think about it sometimes, don't you?" Sylvie's mom admits she has considered suicide a few times. Ivy is now behind her, and suddenly pushes her off the balcony. She is upset, and when Sylvie wanders into the room, she hides. Sylvie believes her mother has committed suicide, and is sad. Ivy convinces her to get into bed with her, and tell her everything she's feeling, like she was her mom. Sylvie is a little weirded out, but complies, finding it soothing.
Now that Sylvie's mom is dead, Ivy is wearing her clothes, and even cleans her car, bringing the urn with Sylvie's mom's ashes to the car. Sylvie sees this, and attempts to intervene, but Ivy convinces her to go for a ride with her, giving her mom's spirit the freedom she craves. On the drive, Sylvie becomes suspicious that Ivy was there when her mom died, as she is singing a song that was playing in her room that day. Ivy becomes upset, and they get into an accident. Ivy comes too, and positions Sylvie in the drivers seat to throw suspicion off herself. Sylvie is taken to the hospital.
At the hospital, Sylvie is becoming very paranoid about Ivy. She sneaks out of the hospital, despite her bloody head and inappropriate attire, and goes back to her house. Due to her head injury, she is experiencing some hallucinations. She walks into her living room, and sees her father having sex with someone, who at first she thinks is her mother, but is actually Ivy. She freaks, and runs out of the room with Ivy following her. Sylvie runs into her mother's room, and sees her mom standing, waiting for her. She approaches her, and her mother embraces her, and then starts making out with her (yes!). Sylvie is freaked out and pushes her away, when she sees that she was actually kissing Ivy. She accuses Ivy of killing her mom, who says that her mother wanted to die, and, "now we can all be a family" or something like that. In a fit of rage, Sylvie pushes Ivy off of the balcony, killing her. She stands crying on the balcony, while her father is in his car staring at Ivy who lies on the sidewalk in front of him. The credits begin as Sylvie states that she still misses "her".
I really like this movie. The genre of "obsessed best friends with somewhat of a lesbian interest in each other can't deal with their emotions and their attachment takes a step too far and turns into a blood bath" has always been a favorite. And, despite the creep dad-and-Ivy angle, Sylvie/Ivy is a relationship that I quite like. (They're hot, obsessed, kiss twice, and sleep in the same bed. Yes please!) Definitely recommended!!
Auditions (1978)
Starring Linnea Quigley and others
Featured in the Full Moon Grindhouse Collection
Genre: Erotica (kind of), mockumentary
Rating: 4 1/2
First off, this movie is weird. I want to say that right away. It's also pretty confusing. I'm still not 100% sure what is even happening throughout. Basically, it's a movie about people who come to audition for an adult film. For the longest time, I wasn't sure if it was an actual documentary, or a mockumentary. Some of the scenes seem very real (which I guess is a good thing?). Anyway, the whole movie is people coming (or should I say...walking?) into an audition room, which is either set up as a cheesy love room with a red satin covered bed, or as an s&m dungeon. The person is then addressed by someone who I am presuming is the casting director, or something like that, who is not seen, and is somewhere behind camera. He usually asks them to strip, asks them about their experience, their comfort level, etc. He makes sure they know it's an adult movie they're auditioning for. It all seems pretty professional (and this voice-only guy who plays the casting director is very good. He almost convinced me it was real. You'll see). However, he then starts asking people to masturbate "for the camera", and if they do it, he'll give them a part. We then get a lot of pretty girls (for he never seems to ask the men) masturbating with whips and such (they are instructed to use props from the dungeon set), and thinking about their gynecologists. Apparently, some impressed them more than others, although I could never discern the difference. One man talks about f*cking a girl on the rim of the Grand Canyon; it was very spiritual for him. He gets the part. Every clip is pretty random and disconnected. Then we get some group scenes, where people are auditioning together, and engage in either some s&m, or sexy good times on the bed (I don't think sex is actually happening though...can't really tell). Now let's talk about Linnea Quigley (apparently in one of her earliest roles). She plays a girl auditioning for a role, and must dance nude in the dungeon set. It's kind of unreal. She's very in to it. She gets the part, however, drama ensues when the casting director finds out she in underage. This too seemed very real. Props to the actors? Things get weird when a man repeatedly enters the audition room, while auditions are happening, insisting that he has just the girls for the movie. The casting director must repeatedly ask him to leave.
This movie is okay; I don't really know what else to say about it. Not exactly a case of "so bad it's good", but more like "hmm...am I glad I watched this or not?" It's definitely unique in it's plot and formula. It can be a little boring due to it's lack of plot continuity. Worth a watch, if only to stare with dropped jaw and glazed over eyes. But why else does anyone watch these movies?? Bask in the absurd!
Starring Linnea Quigley and others
Featured in the Full Moon Grindhouse Collection
Genre: Erotica (kind of), mockumentary
Rating: 4 1/2
First off, this movie is weird. I want to say that right away. It's also pretty confusing. I'm still not 100% sure what is even happening throughout. Basically, it's a movie about people who come to audition for an adult film. For the longest time, I wasn't sure if it was an actual documentary, or a mockumentary. Some of the scenes seem very real (which I guess is a good thing?). Anyway, the whole movie is people coming (or should I say...walking?) into an audition room, which is either set up as a cheesy love room with a red satin covered bed, or as an s&m dungeon. The person is then addressed by someone who I am presuming is the casting director, or something like that, who is not seen, and is somewhere behind camera. He usually asks them to strip, asks them about their experience, their comfort level, etc. He makes sure they know it's an adult movie they're auditioning for. It all seems pretty professional (and this voice-only guy who plays the casting director is very good. He almost convinced me it was real. You'll see). However, he then starts asking people to masturbate "for the camera", and if they do it, he'll give them a part. We then get a lot of pretty girls (for he never seems to ask the men) masturbating with whips and such (they are instructed to use props from the dungeon set), and thinking about their gynecologists. Apparently, some impressed them more than others, although I could never discern the difference. One man talks about f*cking a girl on the rim of the Grand Canyon; it was very spiritual for him. He gets the part. Every clip is pretty random and disconnected. Then we get some group scenes, where people are auditioning together, and engage in either some s&m, or sexy good times on the bed (I don't think sex is actually happening though...can't really tell). Now let's talk about Linnea Quigley (apparently in one of her earliest roles). She plays a girl auditioning for a role, and must dance nude in the dungeon set. It's kind of unreal. She's very in to it. She gets the part, however, drama ensues when the casting director finds out she in underage. This too seemed very real. Props to the actors? Things get weird when a man repeatedly enters the audition room, while auditions are happening, insisting that he has just the girls for the movie. The casting director must repeatedly ask him to leave.
This movie is okay; I don't really know what else to say about it. Not exactly a case of "so bad it's good", but more like "hmm...am I glad I watched this or not?" It's definitely unique in it's plot and formula. It can be a little boring due to it's lack of plot continuity. Worth a watch, if only to stare with dropped jaw and glazed over eyes. But why else does anyone watch these movies?? Bask in the absurd!
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